Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
