he shaved USA in his pubs
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
