Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
