ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
