Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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