I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
