she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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