Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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