He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
