Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
