You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
