I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
