I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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