People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
