I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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