why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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