why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
