I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
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