My nipple is on Facebook.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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