Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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