found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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