so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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