Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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