Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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