Ambien. No doubt about it.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
