Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
