No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
