And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Randomize
