OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
