he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
