I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
