New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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