please come you make the beer taste better
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
