I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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