I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
