"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
