I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
