I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Is it penis luge time yet?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
