So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
