fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
