im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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