I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
