considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
