She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
