oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
