He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
