Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
