Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
