I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
do herpes really smell.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
