Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
