When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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