I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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